at this exact moment last year, i was kissing my grandmother good night in a hospital bed for the last time. i cried my eyes out, telling her it was okay for her to let go. that maybe this was her time. from june 1 to june 7 i lived in that hospital. her up hill battle was just too much. even after moving cross country on a whim to take care of her.

i held her hand and cried, told her it was okay to let go, that i loved her more than anyone i ever loved before, i thanked her for everything she had ever done, how she raised me, nurtured me, cared for me. i kissed her on the forehead, and said its okay to let go. kissed her good night and went to my parents hotel just before 2am june 7th. right after i left, she flat lined, veins and arteries collapsing.

i got woken up at 6 am, by a phone call from the hospital. we rushed over there, and at 8:44am her fight was over.

sometimes it feels like more than one life was lost that day.

no one gets it. no one will. my life hasn't been the same since this day last year. what i wouldnt give for one more day.

love; is watching someone die


it didnt hit me until after 3 in the after noon. i left the hospital around 10, went to her doctor to have paper signed, then at 2 went to the funeral home to make arrangements for cremation, after signing papers i headed to my car to leave... i fell into my car balling my eyes out, screaming, i lost it. and it still hasn't came back.

this world just isn't fair.